It’s also important to keep the communication open with your partner during oral sex - using both verbal and nonverbal cues for ongoing consent. Maybe it means you ~set the mood~ with a massage beforehand or light some candles to create an intimate setting. If you're nervous (that’s normal!), be honest and talk about how you can create a context in which you’ll both feel safe to explore this new sensation. Talk about mutual pleasure and whether you both want to go down on each other. Every time you have sex, it’s a new opportunity to practice consent.īefore you can have oral sex, you want to make sure your partner also feels enthusiastic about trying this new sex act. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it, because communication is the best way to have pleasurable and consensual sex with your partner(s). Talking about trying something new - or communicating about sex at all - can feel intimidating and vulnerable for people of all ages. So you’ve decided that you want to try oral sex.
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How to Talk About Oral Sex With Your Partner Given all of that, it’s important that we unlearn these stigmas so we can have factual conversations about oral sex so we’re prepared to take care of our own health and be considerate of our partners. Not seeing oral sex as real sex makes it much more difficult to talk about how to practice safer sex (you can get STIs from oral) and is a subtle way of telling young LGBTQ+ people that the sex they may want to have is not legitimate. This is definitely a notion we want to undo because oral sex is most definitely sex - and for some people it’s the ~main course~ of their partnered sex. Additionally, studies have shown that young people often don’t define oral sex as sex. This phenomenon could be because abstinence-only sex education programs primarily focus on penis-in-vagina sex.
It’s often theorized that in American culture people have oral sex before they have penetrative sex because it’s deemed “more acceptable.” For some, however, it's seen as the most intimate of sexual acts. There is a lot of stigma around oral sex. I define oral sex as the act of orally stimulating your partners' genitals with your mouth, tongue, and lips - which could include sucking or licking of the penis (fellatio), vulva (cunnilingus), or anus (analingus). This sexual act has been traced all the way back to ancient Egypt - through the myth of Osiris and Isis, when Osiris died and Isis put him back together, she was known to blow life back into him by sucking on his penis - which brings us to a more expansive redefining of oral sex. But that’s a very dry and vague way to define a sexual act that can be exciting, pleasurable, and intimate.
Oral sex is medically defined as oral stimulation of the genitals.